April 11, 2013

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My Journey

April 5, 2013

On a particular day in 2006 just as I finished feeding my addiction – watching a pornographic movie, I felt really dirty and shame swept all over me. Sitting there speechless and motionless, I had just done it again! I was thinking all my money has been spent on watching porn online. Wow!! Is this the type of life I will end up living? who will  help me? I need help. So many questions racing through my mind about how do I get rid of this sinful addiction.
I was so tired and weak, Is there anyone out there that can help me out of this addiction that has taken over my life for 15 years? How did I end up here?

Day 2: No way I did not masturbate!!!

January 7, 2013

My eyes went wide, is it morning already or am I dreaming? No I am not dreaming, I am wide awake! Wow a wait a minute I did not masturbate LAST NIGHT . Jesus You are real  THANK YOU, THANK YOU, you are real. You helped me not to masturbate last night, Oh thank you Jesus for helping me.

Now I was in the library reading and thinking to my self , My mind seemed to be free for the first time in 15 years,  I could reason, I could process information. What was going on with me, I had always struggled to stay focused while studying but today it seems I can, Jesus please let this continue , please this was the first time in years I could process information and stay focused on my studies without standing up, Jesus you are so good to me.

This was the second day I had not masturbated for two days now, wow this cannot be happening, I felt free. I thought to myself, I need attend church and spend time  with Jesus, every Sunday I will be attend church and I will start to read my bible now. This was so good , freedom was so good. I am not going back there.

I need to leave this environment now

January 4, 2013

All my stuff was packed, I needed to go and spend time with friends at university,  I will not even touch my laptop again, this must stop today, today will be the last day I will ever watch pornography, masturbate, visit a prostitute and any strip club.

Here I was with my friend, he was lying on the bed and I was on the floor saying quietly to myself Jesus Please me HELP me I don’t want to go to sleep today by masturbating, PLEASE for 15 years I have done this each night, tonight help me please me, before I realized it I slept off.  I woke up the next day, No way Saying to myself did I just sleep without masturbating no way, I am Screaming,  Jumping, Shouting THANK YOU JESUS! THANK YOU, JESUS you helped me not to masturbate today . For the First time in 15 years I did not masturbate,  oh thank you, My heart is full of joy it felt good not to masturbate before going to bed . Day ONE

Now this thoughts came to me saying I will see how you will cope tonight, you will be stressed out and you wont be able to go to sleep tonight and you will have to masturbate to sleep. I then started to panic and getting all worked up  and stressed for no reason.

What do I do now? Then I remembered Oh! I knew what I did last night I spoke to Jesus and when I did I went to bed without realizing it, I will do the same thing again tonight.

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